In keeping with multicultural sensitivities, closed-circuit television cameras in the English city of Birmingham will be required to wear the Islamic burka. This comes after Muslim communities in the city complained that the surveillance cameras were both intrusive and alluring. Originally put up for counter-terrorism purposes, the CCTV fixtures have become a major concern to Muslims who insist they are being stigmatised because of their religion.
When interviewed about the cameras last year, local Muslim Councillor Salma Yaboob shrieked: “Residents have lost faith with the Zionist authorities for their sneaky handling of the matter! The Ummah will not be reassured until they have been told the locations of the hidden cameras too”.
A local Imam had a further problem with the surveillance cameras. Choosing to remain anonymous, the Islamic leader said through an interpreter: “These cameras … they should be covered up. Or moved. Our young are taken advantage of. My son and his son and his son after him, they are all menaced by these uncovered cameras! They provoke … they are provocative … they move their heads around when people walk by. They titillate … yes … they flirt and titillate with my son and his son and his son after him … they must be covered!”
Local council leaders and police have profusely apologised for the naked cameras found in Muslim areas of Birmingham. They have also written to local mosques explaining their ’stupidity’ and asking that the discount they enjoyed on their jizya tax be scrapped in penance. The surveillance camera burkas are expected to be applied within the coming days.
Some critics of the plans have stated that the burka will reduce the level of visibility that camera operators will have. With just a narrow slit across the camera lens, it has been suggested that up to 95% of the resulting image will be black. However, civil rights groups have scolded such criticisms.
Connie Fergus who is head of the ‘Liberty for Tyranny’ think-tank remarked on her twitter account: “How dare these Islamaphobic bigots impede on these people’s culture!” … “Have they not heard of the phrase, when in Brum, do as the Brummies do?”.
A Home Office spokeswoman under pressure from other Muslim communities across Britain said: ‘Work is already underway on CCTV regulation and the government will be bringing forward proposals to place burkas on all cameras where our hard working minorities might find offence. Naturally, Islam is a religion of peace and we condemn all hatred and intolerance against this peaceful and progressive section of our society”.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Jesus H. Christ — haven’t you got anything better to do, like masturbate to an all-day NeoCon marathon of ‘24′ on box set, or something? I hear the picture quality on the Blu-ray of ‘300′ is very good as well, if fearless Spartan warriors of ‘freedom’ (actually slave-owning, boy-buggering military dictators, but let’s not go into that) fighting darkie terrorists is your thing.
Besides, if you think blanket CCTV coverage is such an essential part of the so-called ‘war on terror’ then shouldn’t your ’satire’ be directed against, for example, George Bush, who despite large majorities in Congress failed to install it across the whole country in the wake of 9/11? Of course, America thank God has pesky things like a strong liberal/libertarian tradition, not to mention a Supreme Court and Constitution, that all exist to put brakes on the executive, even in the midst of of a self-declared, self-aggrandising ‘war’.
It’s something the right in general and NeoConservatism in particular never seems to grasp: humour and satire are (and always have been) rooted in ‘the little guy’ mocking ‘the Man’, court jester-style. But since the Right in general and NeoConservatism in particular *loves* ‘the Man’, in fact thinks ‘the Man’ should be entitled to do whatever the heck he wants without regard to such wussy, pre-9/11 trivialities as the rule of law, the Geneva Conventions, the Treaty of Westphalia and the Constitution, then so much so-called ‘humour’ from them is always going to fall flat, isn’t it?
Great Blog only thing is it is that well written , unlike mine , it took few mins to realise it was in fact satire & supposed to be humour
Thanks Trench. Glad you liked it. Some people often miss the humour part altogether.
thats my point it was so w ell written I tought it was for real