Ismail Hernia, a leading Hamas official has declared to the media that the £19 million will be invested in bringing Japanese Sumo wrestling coaches to the Gaza Strip. Puzzled journalists were told that ten of the top Sumo experts from Japan will be invited over as well as the purchasing of thousands of Sumo loincloths which will be converted to bomb belts.

Middle East and Hamas experts are predicting a new intifada in the coming months, probably in parallel with an Israeli strike on Iran’s nuclear plants. The investment in Sumo coaching is believed to be a new offensive element in the Palestinian’s plans to wipe out the state of Israel. Thousands of Gazan men will be fattened up with the excess food delivered weekly to the Strip and trained in the art of wrestling their opponents to the ground. The martyrs would aim to sit on and suffocate as many of the enemy as possible before blowing themselves up.

The brains behind the latest Hamas initiative is Sheik Yunus al-Wacky who came up with the idea when watching Hamas senior members dining at the exclusive Gaza City hotel. Britain has yet to respond to the decision but it’s expected they will offer cautionary advice to both sides to avoid violence, confrontation and anything which could put a heavy burden on the Middle East peace process.

Israel has refused to comment on the possibility of hundreds of half-naked and obese Arabs running over the border. They are however making contingency plans to strengthen bomb shelters and buildings for fear the act of shiko (the traditional sumo leg stomping) could weaken walls and foundations.

“I intentionally say this here – Hamas is a terrorist movement and it has to be denounced as such.”

It’s not every day that a European Union, United Nations or Human Rights group official openly condemns Hamas and calls it what is really is. Louis Michel, European Commissioner for Development and Humanitarian Aid, did just this.

He then went on to say: “Public opinion is fed up to see that we are paying over and over again – be it the [European] commission, the member states or the major donors – for infrastructure that will be systematically destroyed,”

You bet we are Mr Michel! European tax payers money is being pumped into a terrorist enclave which results in further attacks by Islamist terror groups on a peace seeking democracy. Israel is sick of aiding and feeding the very people who seek her demise too.

Hamas said it was “shocked” at his comments. They weren’t the only ones but for differing reasons.

Unfortunately, as would be expected, a number of onlookers are questioning the reasons for Mr Michel’s correct annaysis. This includes questions as to his heritage.