A Koan is a paradoxical anecdote or riddle that has no solution which is used in Zen Buddhism to show the inadequacy of logical reasoning.

Last month, the Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso caused International concern when he asked on national radio whether he was the new pope or just a cabbage leaf. Mr Aso is the first Roman Catholic and the second Christian, to rule the proud island nation. He replied to his own question by stating that ‘perhaps I am Julius Caesar wearing a fig leaf’ leaving many people in complete confusion and genuine concern for his mental health.

A Sussex businessman arriving back from a week long trip to Japan told reporters waiting outside the Heathrow terminals about the ongoing situation.

“I noticed the drastic worsening of the mass pondering and ruminating as each day went by. When I first arrived last Monday, it was still possible to order sushi without the waitress asking whether the fish would disappear if she sneezed. Once Friday came, most people were affected and it was nigh on impossible to order a taxi or ask for hotel room service. Somehow, I managed to escape on one of the few planes still managing to get up into the air.”

Air traffic controllers throughout the country went out of service yesterday after a couple of near mid-air crashes. Electricity companies are at 50% service while water and gas have also seen reduced output.

Pilot Steve Marshall from British Airways said: “The Japanese controllers were seemingly delirious. When we asked for permission to land at Tokyo airport they asked whether our plane had come before the egg or vice-versa. We tried to reason with them but they continued with this astonishing philosophical claptrap. In the end, we just had to land regardless and hope for no collisions”.

Japanese internet sites have also been affected, with some of the most popular online hotspots wiping out previous material and merely listing thousands of Koans with nonsensical answers. Visitor numbers to the websites are said to have soared as ever increasing sections of the population indulge their Koan obsessions.

Neighbouring states including North Korea, South Korea, China and Russia have been put on high alert. The United States and many European nations have issued travel warnings to their citizens and encouraged those already in Japan to get out in whatever way possible.

Scientists and sociologists are completely baffled by the Koan pandemic and have no clue as to its origins. So far, there have been no reported cases outside of Japan but all are worried this could change as tourists return home to their respective countries.