When interviewed about the cameras last year, local Muslim Councillor Salma Yaboob shrieked: “Residents have lost faith with the Zionist authorities for their sneaky handling of the matter! The Ummah will not be reassured until they have been told the locations of the hidden cameras too”.

A local Imam had a further problem with the surveillance cameras. Choosing to remain anonymous, the Islamic leader said through an interpreter: “These cameras … they should be covered up. Or moved. Our young are taken advantage of. My son and his son and his son after him, they are all menaced by these uncovered cameras! They provoke … they are provocative … they move their heads around when people walk by. They titillate … yes … they flirt and titillate with my son and his son and his son after him … they must be covered!”

Local council leaders and police have profusely apologised for the naked cameras found in Muslim areas of Birmingham. They have also written to local mosques explaining their ‘stupidity’ and asking that the discount they enjoyed on their jizya tax be scrapped in penance. The surveillance camera burkas are expected to be applied within the coming days.

Some critics of the plans have stated that the burka will reduce the level of visibility that camera operators will have. With just a narrow slit across the camera lens, it has been suggested that up to 95% of the resulting image will be black. However, civil rights groups have scolded such criticisms.

Connie Fergus who is head of the ‘Liberty for Tyranny’ think-tank remarked on her twitter account: “How dare these Islamaphobic bigots impede on these people’s culture!” … “Have they not heard of the phrase, when in Brum, do as the Brummies do?”.

A Home Office spokeswoman under pressure from other Muslim communities across Britain said: ‘Work is already underway on CCTV regulation and the government will be bringing forward proposals to place burkas on all cameras where our hard working minorities might find offence. Naturally, Islam is a religion of peace and we condemn all hatred and intolerance against this peaceful and progressive section of our society”.

The topic of conversation had steered through the minefields of the global economy and the speech by Australian premier Kevin Rudd which had taken place earlier the same day. After criticising Rudd, Clarkson went on to say of Brown:

‘(In the UK) we’ve got this one-eyed Scottish idiot, he keeps telling us everything’s fine and he’s saved the world and we know he’s lying, but he’s smooth at telling us.’

The remark caused consternation in the offices of the Royal National Cyclops Institute based in London. Chief executive of the RNCI, Polly Themus, angrily commented on the insensitivity that the popular presenter had shown to the thousands of suffers across the United Kingdom.

‘I’d be quite happy to show Mr Clarkson the positive contribution people with one eye can make to society.’

However, she was soon being ushered away by security guards as she brandished a razor blade and bared her teeth at a magazine image of the pot-bellied Top Gear star.

The BBC were quick to issue an apology for any offence caused especially in light of the recent blunders by the broadcasting corporation. A shocked Clarkson, who is paid £2million a year, also fell on his knees in sorrow and repentance:

‘In the heat of the moment I made a remark about the Prime Minister’s personal appearance for which, upon reflection, I apologise.’

Iain Gray, the Scottish Labour leader, said: ‘Such a comment is really a reflection on Jeremy Clarkson and speaks for itself. Most people here are proud that the Prime Minister is a Scot and believe him to be the right person to get the UK through this global economic crisis.’

Gordon Brown lost the sight in one eye during his teens when an accident occurred during a rugby match. He declined to comment on the situation but was said to be keeping an eye on developments.