The topic of conversation had steered through the minefields of the global economy and the speech by Australian premier Kevin Rudd which had taken place earlier the same day. After criticising Rudd, Clarkson went on to say of Brown:

‘(In the UK) we’ve got this one-eyed Scottish idiot, he keeps telling us everything’s fine and he’s saved the world and we know he’s lying, but he’s smooth at telling us.’

The remark caused consternation in the offices of the Royal National Cyclops Institute based in London. Chief executive of the RNCI, Polly Themus, angrily commented on the insensitivity that the popular presenter had shown to the thousands of suffers across the United Kingdom.

‘I’d be quite happy to show Mr Clarkson the positive contribution people with one eye can make to society.’

However, she was soon being ushered away by security guards as she brandished a razor blade and bared her teeth at a magazine image of the pot-bellied Top Gear star.

The BBC were quick to issue an apology for any offence caused especially in light of the recent blunders by the broadcasting corporation. A shocked Clarkson, who is paid £2million a year, also fell on his knees in sorrow and repentance:

‘In the heat of the moment I made a remark about the Prime Minister’s personal appearance for which, upon reflection, I apologise.’

Iain Gray, the Scottish Labour leader, said: ‘Such a comment is really a reflection on Jeremy Clarkson and speaks for itself. Most people here are proud that the Prime Minister is a Scot and believe him to be the right person to get the UK through this global economic crisis.’

Gordon Brown lost the sight in one eye during his teens when an accident occurred during a rugby match. He declined to comment on the situation but was said to be keeping an eye on developments.

It’s expected that within days of taking office she will announce plans to rebuild the Icelandic economy, reverse the plummeting unemployment figures and also wage war on Scotland.

A war with Gordon Brown’s homeland has been on the cards ever since October 2008, when the Scottish-born British prime minister made the decision to freeze the assets of Icelandic banks and companies in the UK, by using anti-terrorist legislation. Then Prime Minister Geir Haarde, put the blame for Iceland’s collapse squarely on British shoulders. The IMF predicts Iceland’s economy is facing its biggest slump since the country won full independence from Denmark in 1944.

Media propoganda, including military parades and television adverts have been whipping the Nordic hordes into a frenzy of anti-Scottish hatred. Effigies of kilted Scots have been hung under the few trees that grow on the freezing rocky island whilst hundreds of shoes were thrown at the British embassy gates in a protest last Saturday.

Gunnhildur Gylfason, one of the protestors who was apparently confused by the differences between Scottish and English politicians, shouted through a microphone:

“Wendy Alexander, are you watching? Ann Widdecombe, are you listening? Maggie Thatcher can you still hear? … We’re coming to get you! Our dykes are bigger than yours! Down down Scot-a-land!!”

Johanna Sigurdardottir, 66, is currently the social affairs minister and has little experience of military conflict or foreign policy. Annalysists predict she will however provide a flurry of jobs in the longboat building sector as well as in the metal industries. The United Nations plans to hold a security council meeting early next week and is expected to condemn Israel for the tension between the two Atlantic countries.

Gordon Brown has brushed off speculation of an impending war with Iceland as ludicrous.