World Cup organisers and local police have placed wanted posters of what they believe is the origin of the constant buzzing sound. A nameless biker has been riding from city to city across South Africa and circling the stadiums whilst the important group stages matches are playing out. Despite critics noting that the buzz is created by thousands of vuvuzelas, the local authorities are instead blaming the noise on a single individual. The suspect was captured on camera a couple of days ago whilst speeding away from the Polokwane Stadium in Limpopo province.

The suspect is described as white, portly and riding a dirty black motorcycle. His nationality is unknown. Whilst the ‘vuvuzela bandit’ as the media have labelled him continues to remain a mystery, some in South Africa are offering possible identities to who the obnoxious noise maker might be. A journalist for the little known Zuma Times has speculated that the biker is a Mr James Corden, a B-list celebrity in England who after a spat with Star Trek actor Sir Patrick Stewart, lost his mind and went berserk across the Rainbow Nation.

Some experts in Britain believe however that the mystery biker is in fact a ploy to reflect attention away from the thousands of cheap plastic vuvuzelas being sold in South African cities. Television footage also shows fans from all nations blowing on the horns inside the stadiums which leaves little doubt in many people’s minds that they are the real culprit. The search continues.

Thousands of football fans worldwide have complained about the drone of the vuvuzelas, which have been described as like a swarm of bees or a pregnant water buffalo in labour. Some angry football fans have claimed the endless noise is worse than their wives’ nagging and want to hear the offensive sound silenced as well as the vuvuzelas.

One complaint read “What an absolutely disgraceful, ear-wrenching noise,” whilst another said “Gordon Brown’s Scottish drawl wasn’t half as bad as this racket”.

A website called Ban Vuvusela has even been set up where football fans and desperate housewives can vote on whether they want to see the horns banned from future matches. At the time of writing, the ‘Votes to Ban’ enormously outnumber those of the ‘Votes to Keep’. It’s not hard to assume that latter votes come from proud South Africans and the deaf.

However, FIFA president Sepp Blatter has called on the vuvuzelas to continue and accused those with bleeding ears of discrimination against Africans. World Cup organisers have also joined the chorus of those in favour of keeping the horns, claiming the plastic instruments as being a “potent symbol of the tournament” and a good way to drown out the sound of rape alarms beeping across the cities.

It remains to be seen whether the vuvuzelas will be banned from football stadiums, like they are from South African rugby stadiums. With more and more people switching off due to the racket, it’s certain that unless action is taken, there will be a large increase of anusimpedimentia cases referred to local hospitals.

Minutes later, jubilant crowds thronged the streets across the nation hoisting up flags and banners in celebration. In the capital Pretoria, tens of thousands of people marched upon the Union Buildings which include the official seat of the South African government. There they sang songs, danced and even joyously wept. Some reporters at the scene are said to have heard clapping and cheering coming from within the parliament building itself.

In Johannesburg, home to 3.8 million people, around 750,000 revellers danced in the city’s large Botanical Garden. Fireworks were set off, bungee-jumps erected and roses handed out to passers-by. Unfortunately, the local council is said to be devastated after the garden’s main attraction, the famous Rose Garden, was left bereft of its 10,000 roses.

Table Top Mountain, which overlooks the city of Cape Town saw its largest influx of visitors on record. Close to a million people flocked to the flat-topped mountain in order to attend a gigantic prayer service in thanksgiving for the day’s extraordinary news. One of South Africa’s prominent bishops was on hand to lead the act of worship.

However, it was later discovered that the TV moving banner news had been a mistake which had taken place when a technician had pressed the wrong button. The staff member had selected the “broadcast live for transmission” button instead of the test-run alternative. Apparently he had just wanted to see what the test banner would look like and had typed in “Bush is dead” as a gap filler.

“The technical director pressed the wrong button, it took a second for the words to appear and then the words were on screen for only three seconds before they were taken off.” said spokesman Vasili Vass.

Unfortunately, the correction was announced on television after most people had left their houses to celebrate the original, but mistaken, news piece. Police and the army have been put on high alert in case of widespread violence and rioting once the general public hear of the corrected news. It’s expected alcohol sales and the use of firearms will increase dramatically over the next week as people try to dull the pain.

The new US president, Barack Obama, has so far refused to comment on the story. Some Western media journalists are calling this the ‘Bushism of Bushisms’.