Our Shadows
Shadows joyfully merge together to become one
In the warm sunshine that decorates the beach with light.
Movements of devotion cast their designs upon the sands,
Opening unseen curtains to life’s passions and possibilities.
Nearing the water’s edge, two hearts beat together,
Aware of just one another and the precious gift they both hold.
by Edward
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Deliverance had grown wings and it mattered not where the streams of life took me. The straight road I’d travelled was disintegrating and fading into the blackness of beyond. My chains were unwrapping and snapping asunder as the blinds from my eyes evaporated. An awareness of mankind’s ephemeral existence melted together with the beauty of the sand below my feet, setting my soul free.
Jubilant eyes and merry songs rise from one curving stream. From another the downcast sorrow and regret of chances neglected seep up like a putrid vapour. Over there, a myriad of minds in contemplation, concentration and cranial composition. All the streams of life visible from the canvas of a liberated cognizance. Hide the anchor! Let it flow! I want to see more.
Then I saw you, in your stream. Eyes shimmering in the light of being and your hair aglow with hidden passions tamed. I watched you for a while, my mind a mix of emotions and desires, your lips a cradle of my ambitions. Out of sight and back again, you appeared once more from under the obscurity of other’s stories. Then it happened. Sweet innocence of hope did my legs make leap, and plunged my spirit into your soul.
Painting reprinted here with permission from the artist herself. Missy Poem.
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I wish I could show you I’m more than just words. That in this heart of mine there flourish mysteries that speak across the miles and years of space and time. Hidden jewels more beautiful than heaven’s gates, if only they could be seen. Within my soul there burns the flame of hope that needs not words nor masks to convey but just your presence with me, here, to stay. In the candlelight I stretch my memories and see in flooding waves of recognition, those eyes, that breached my heart so long ago. Come thither and unwrap me from the shadows; unfurl my love upon your golden chest.
I wish I could show you the spirals my fingers make upon the tapestries of recollection. The weaving circles and curving thumbs that seek your face to tender touch. Possibilities pose themselves across the walls where I paint. With brush in hand, there are no limitations to haunt our souls nor fears to cease the bond I thought we held. Onerous thoughts that mere words will not alleviate. Hold the love I bestowed into your hands and come here soon, for in this darkness a heart yearns to beat.
I wish I could show you I’m more than just words. That in this soul of mine there is a sea of forgiveness waiting to be released. A willingness for you and I to meet as one and sail across this ocean’s pride. A journey where our silence heals and gentle touch two spirits seal. Take pause and lift your lantern high. Raise my face unto your eyes and seek the treasures that within I hide. Pittance’d verse of poet’s flair come short of all that inside I’ve now become. Uncover me from the shadows deep and I will shine within your heart, forever more.
Picture reprinted here with permission from the artist herself. Nicoleta Hanu.
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The hand of love stands like an old oak tree upon the hill of life. Many seek its branches to delight in whilst others wish for the canopy of the leaves to shelter them from the trials of existence. Everyone dreams of this old tree, even if some deny their cravings and aspirations to touch the bark and hear the wind’s rustling music in its boughs. The hand of love is an ageless thing that straddles the millennia, just like the buds of beautiful flowers refreshing anew each glorious Spring.
One word of love whispered in our ears and we become elevated up into the stars. Our gaze surveying the majesty of the world and our thoughts soaring across the vast oceans and mammoth mountain ranges. How delicious the word of love can taste together with affectionate fingers sailing gently across one’s cheek. Freedom from the plains of mind and the battlefields of soul. Transcendence from the roots of experience to the heavenly branches of eternal possibility.
The power of love is worth the climb. A single word whispered in our ears can make meadows bloom in mid-Winter snow and sunlight blossom at the stroke of midnight. One hand interwoven with another can reveal the stars more clearly than the strongest telescope known to man. A cultivation of shared hearts beating in unison beneath skies of splendour.
Painting reproduced here with permission from its creator Missy Poem.
Word in the centre of the hand is the Hebrew for ‘love’.
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I still remember the little grave. Long shoots of grass surrounded much of the old and weathered headstone in the old country churchyard. Central Wales was the location and a myriad of hills surrounded the valley where the final resting places of villagers were scattered among the trees. The last memorial to a little boy long absent from living memories. He’d died suddenly in the school classroom and that’s all anyone could tell me about the small little gravestone in the lonely churchyard at the bottom of the country lane.
A little Victorian boy whose mother would have been delivered the news one ordinary afternoon. How she must have wept and cried and even screamed when the heart was ripped from her soul. Forgotten moments that are without a hook to the modern world but for the slowly disintegrating words passed down from one generation to the next. Another few decades and no one will even know nor care about the story behind the little gravestone in the lonely churchyard at the bottom of the country lane.
Extinguished bodies and memories wrapped together in the void of nothingness. How sweet the non-existence for the aged cries of a torn mother’s heart, now silent. Old bones resting in the soil where a consciousness is no more and the daily cares of a 19th Century school day are but figments of an onlooker’s imagination. I went to the graveyard frequently as a child and lightly mourned the distance between the mother and he, when the heart beat ceased and the blood solidified. In some small way the story will live on with me, until I die, about the little gravestone in the lonely churchyard at the bottom of the country lane.
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My morning begins with the faint awareness of the bedsheets enveloping the relaxed muscles of my body. The reddy-brown canvas of closed eyes as seen from within beckons the tide of sleep to return. It’s cold outside, it’s windy and wintry. Despite the calm inside, there gradually appears the ruminations of a mind now aware of its predicament and certain that life cannot remain this way for long. After all, comfort only celebrates itself for short periods of time before the desire for more, or something new, overshadows what was once such an appealing vista.
The bud of comfort splits and out pop my legs onto the woven floor. Natural fibres sink into the bare soles of my feet as I seek the memories of the night before. Images flicker and feelings form in the blank voids that are slowly disappearing. Secret desires are rekindled and forgotten fears brandish their swords in the cold beams of splintered daylight peering through the closed blinds. My fingers touch a faraway face of beauty as my feet take control and towards the kettle descend.
Outside the wind howls and blasts its way through the streets like a wild animal drunk on blood. I can feel its rush as I sip my tea. Caffeine curated pictures emerge of leaves being ripped off wintered branches and then carried high into the air and taken god knows where. Then the cat comes and tells me her news whilst thoughts of work and wandering dreams peruse my mind.
The cat is excited today and seeks to return to the garden as soon as possible. For the first time in her life she met with strange little creatures she’d never before seen. Fairies to you and I. Consciousness had been a one way street from one quiet incident to the next prior to today but now she knows the burden of contemplation and awareness of self. These little creatures taught her everything and now she claims to know the world and what is right and what is wrong. Out she goes again.
From my desk in front of the large window, I can see the grey sea in the distance together with the white cliffs adorned with cloaks and caps of green. Seagulls bark and dogs screech whilst ferries rousing themselves from their terminals sound their horns and belch out thick putrid smoke. Orange droplets hang from small tree twigs just below my window, dancing their last proud tango before the winter shuts them down. Branches become roots and roots become branches, as the cascading seasonal changes take effect.
Winter reveals what lies beneath and the darker the evenings get, the less they truly hide. Senses wander in the darkness and meet with fluttering objects invisible to the eye. Some are good whilst others are bad and each tugs at the mind and heart in its own unique way. Black blankets are tossed over heads and ripped with violent vigour while soothing wisps comfort tensed muscles and relight lanterns previously extinguished. It’s a mixed bag of positive and negative, each itching to be seen, or felt, in the light of awareness, if only for a moment. Then they disappear but not before leaving their mark on the body of the lamp.
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The monumentality of the enigmas we face is overwhelming. Simplicity surrenders to the limelight of questions we ask ourselves, whether consciously or otherwise, every day of our lives. Unity in fabric and fate yet still the expanse between us varies from the huge to the unimaginable. Perceived weaknesses turned to strengths and vice-versa as the grains of sand slide like water down a chute. All a mix and merger of truths and untruths, realities and illusions, ceaseless in their salsa swirls swishing down a plug hole.
Art offers little relief from the questions that tumble and trip over coils of ticking days. Scenes from the masters of yesteryear, the remains of toil, lust, longing and tumultuous incandescence that are now lost to the emptiness of absent memories. Paintings where nobody moves until the canvas is devoured, whenever that moment comes; stark insight into one enigma sunning itself on the other side of the room. Paint strokes continue, as they should and always will.
Elenchus tones and shortening loans, how true the medley of months and years that eliminate all extraneous dreams. A claustrophobia that seeks not the sky to ablaze but contents itself in the corner of a painting, tugging the shirt sleeve, asking when it’s time to leave. Yet mystery keeps us hungry for, as do the rhymes of love beating across the expanses. Euphoric flashes, contented beams, sought and found from one era to the next and detailed on the walls of pitch black caves.
Quod scripsi, scripsi.
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The case of Thilo Sarrazin is a puzzling one indeed. It’s not often I am left completely flummoxed by a certain institutional or public reaction to events, but in this case that’s exactly the position I am in. Dr Sarrazin is a senior board member of Germany’s Bundesbank who recently published a book on immigration issues and has since been widely condemned for racism. The contents of this book I have not read but I am familiar with many quotations from the book and comments he has made.
A wave of fury has descended on Germany with poor Dr Sarrazin being placed in the firing line of political and public opinion. The Social Democratic Party of whom Sarrazin is a member has promised to expel the gentleman. The Bundesbank have also handed out statements condemning him for his words as has German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
Thilo Sarrazin’s book, ‘Deutschland schafft sich ab’ which translates to ‘Germany does away with itself’ is a 464-page study of the effects immigration has had and continues to have on modern-day Germany. The book is heading for the best-seller lists and Dr Sarrazin has insisted “It’s very balanced”.
Below I address the words which have caused so much anger and add my penny’s worth on each.
“most of the cultural and economic problems are concentrated in a group of the five to six million immigrants from Muslim countries”
This is true. Whether it’s politically incorrect or not to say so is irrelevant. An interesting article on this can be found here: Study says Turks are Germany’s worst integrated immigrants.
A particular study mentioned in the above article found that, “Immigrants of Turkish origin were also found to be the least successful in the labour market: they are often jobless, the percentage of housewives is high and many are dependent on welfare.”
Last year in a magazine interview Thilo Sarrazin stated:
“I do not need to accept anyone who lives on handouts from a state it rejects, is not adequately concerned about the education of their children and constantly produces new little headscarf-clad girls.”
A 1996 book called Turkish Culture in German Society Today (Culture & Society in Germany) by Eva Kolinsky and David Horrocks found that while 2nd and 3rd generation Turks usually adhered to German culture in school, outside of school, Turkish culture was still very dominant even for those who’d been born in Germany. They found the self-desired “segregation line remains just as effective as ever”.
This fits into my own experiences of living in the German capital city of Berlin. I lived in the centre of the city for 15 months and found little to no shared community between the Germans and the Turks, regardless of whether the latter had been born there or not. I never saw what could have been a Turkish girl walking hand in hand with a German boy, nor did I see Turks generally conversing with their German neighbours. Most spoke Turkish and very poor German.
My own experiences tell me another of Sarrazin’s comments was also based in reality:
“I don’t want the country of my grandchildren and forefathers to be in broad swathes Muslim, where Turkish and Arabic is widely spoken, where women wear headscarves and where the daily rhythm of life is set by the call of the muezzins,”
Apart from the call of the muezzins, this quote sums up exactly what I saw and heard on the streets of Berlin. I attended German classes with young Turks whilst living in the city and became acquainted with a number. The girls mostly wore headscarves and a few of them were met at the gates of the school by their parents, dressed in Islamic Turkish attire who gave rather unsavoury looks to myself and East European friends I was with. These were girls of 19 or 20 who could easily have made their own way home on the very safe German transport system.
“A large number of Arabs and Turks in Berlin have no productive function other than selling fruit and vegetables”
Dr Sarrazin’s words again echo with my experiences. I lived in a very Turkish neighbourhood of Berlin and so saw first-hand what society was like. Turks and Germans lived completely separate lives except when it came to fruit and vegetable stalls. There were hundreds of these stalls all over the city and all, without fail, were manned by Turks or Arabs. The only occasion when the lives of Germans and Turks collided was during shopping and the asking of particular portions of fruit and veg. This was, really, the only period where the two peoples acted as though they were one.
Another comment by Thilo Sarrazin was one about Jews and genetics. As a strong Judeophile, I briefly squirmed at the following sentence and thought the anti-Semite accusations might be sticking for good reason.
“All Jews share a particular gene, Basques share a certain gene that sets them apart,”
This single line has caused fury and delirium in Germany and for reasons I don’t particularly understand. Is he not right? Is what he said merely scientific fact? According to Jewish religious law, “a child is not Jewish if the child’s mother is not Jewish.” and is best known as matrilineal descent. Most Jews I know agree with this. If this isn’t a shared genetic heritage, then what is?
What are your thoughts on this?
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A nuclear power plant went into operation last week in the southern Iranian port city of Bushehr. Built with Russian help, the power plant has taken close to 30 years to complete and has faced numerous hurdles to reach this milestone. The plant is expected to be producing electricity within weeks but the biggest effect of this Iranian triumph is already being felt outside of Iran.
The United States, the European Union nations and Israel have met this Persian nuclear breakthrough with barely a word in opposition. Experts and leaders claim the reactor is not likely to be a key component in any possible nuclear weapons manufacture. Under the close supervision of the International Atomic Energy Agency and the Russians, Bushehr is guaranteed to be purely for domestic power purposes and not for nuclear weaponry and this might be true.
However, the damage which has already been done is not related to the dangers posed by the Bushehr nuclear reactor itself but by the benchmark it has provided other nations in the region. Already, in the last week alone, three countries have stated their intentions to build similar reactors. This is where the true catastrophe of this Iranian success story lies and why, in the coming months, something must be done to extinguish the Iranian nuclear reality.
Today, Egypt announced it would be constructing a nuclear power plant on the Mediterranean coast. Egypt’s President Hosni Mubarak, who is said to be suffering from cancer and is not expected to live for another 12 months, first announced plans for nuclear power back in 2007 and has stated he has no desire to create nuclear weapons. This may or may not be true but it is nonetheless irrelevant as the resulting plants will be operational after he has gone and with the Islamist Muslim Brotherhood on the rise.
Yesterday, it was revealed that the African nation of Sudan plans to build a nuclear power plant. Like with Iran, the nation’s leaders proclaim the technology will be used for peaceful purposes but one must remember the Sudan is an Islamist-run state and is responsible for the genocide of the people in Darfur as well as the harbouring of Islamic terrorists.
Lebanon is another country that has expressed its desire for nuclear technology albeit mentioned via the Shia terrorist organisation Hezbollah, which has an iron grip on the ineffectual secular government. As has been seen over the last five years, Hezbollah’s desire to eradicate Israel and act as a proxy for Iran has been clear to anyone willing to open their eyes to the reality on the ground.
Joining these three nations are countries that have previously expressed, although often hesitantly, a desire for nuclear power in the past and who will no doubt push forward with their plans over the coming months if nothing is done to halt the Iranian nuclear ambitions. These countries include Saudi Arabia, Syria, Kuwait, Qatar, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia and United Arab Emirates. Now Iran has reached the aforementioned milestone, the nuclear race has been set well and truly in motion. Due to rogue Islamic regimes, lack of proper infrastructure, natural disasters and terrorism, the results could be devastating.
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Argentina were thrashed 4-0 today by a dominant German team. Before the match began I had expected the encounter to be a close affair with the strong possibility of a penalty shoot-out to break the deadlock. However, the omens didn’t look good for the South American side when Germany’s Thomas Müller opened the scoring within three minutes of the start. Maradona’s team never really got going and their annihilation surely mended a few broken English hearts still licking wounds from Germany’s 4-1 drubbing of England last week.
Doyle: I think most pundits expected Argentina to cruise past Germany seeing as the Germans have had a suspect defence in recent matches. Argentina’s superior attackers should have given the opposing goalkeeper a lot more of a test.
Hibbert: Typical German efficiency and organisation which constantly see them hitting above their weight. On paper, you would not have expected Germany to reach the Semi-Finals but as with previous competitions, you just can’t rule out the Germans, ever.
You have to admit though that they do have some star players like Miroslav Klose, Bastian Schweinsteiger and the little heard of Thomas Müller.
Doyle: All great players but compared to the skills of Lionel Messi, Carlos Tévez and Gonzalo Higuaín, they are not in the same league. Argentina should have won.
Langton: You forgot to mention the young star Mesut Oezil. Brilliant player who has been the revelation of the whole tournament rather like Michael Owen back in the 1998 World Cup. A wonderful story of Germany’s modern and multicultural society. Kevin-Prince Boateng is another of these success stories.
Hibbert: Think you’ll find that it’s Jérôme Boateng, Kevin-Prince’s younger brother. Kevin-Prince Boateng actually plays for the Ghanaian national team. Apparently he decided at the last moment back in 2007, that he didn’t want to play for Germany and would instead play for Ghana. The two nations actually played one another in the group stages of this World Cup, with the two brothers facing one another on opposing sides. First time in World Cup history that this phenomenon has ever happened.
Langton: Sign of the times and a welcome one at that. Nations evolve and change and this should be seen as a good thing. Mesut Oezil of Turkish descent will soon become one of the greatest German players ever.
Pilcher: Yeah, just a shame he doesn’t care for the German anthem and recites the Koran instead.
Langton: Perhaps he can’t sing and your Islamaphobia is doing nothing for this discussion.
Doyle: Going back to the match. I was expecting Argentina to make a comeback in the second half but that never materialised. Germany in fact repeated the feat they carried off against England, where they made use of counter attacks, pace and highly functional team play. Three times in one World Cup tournament where they have scored four goals in one match. They have got to be favourites now, right?
I should think so but I still fancy Spain to finally reach the summit.
Langton: Can’t see it. This is Germany’s year. No doubt about it.
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Admin: A chain of stores in Spain has unfortunately decided to remove the Israeli-invented games Rummikub from their shelves. This comes in the wake of the Gaza Terror Flotilla incident where IDF commandos stormed a Gaza-bound ship filled with Turkish terrorists. Rummikub has become a popular game worldwide although I must admit I’d not heard of it until a Dutch friend introduced me to the rules the other day.
Hibbert: It’s not a game for everyone. The game is also known as Rummy-O or Rummycube and was invented by Ephraim Hertzano, a Romanian-born Israeli. Kodkod is the company that sells it and the most intriguing part in all this is that Spain was in fact the host nation of last year’s Rummikub World Championship.
Admin: A manager of the Abacus chain told a Spanish newspaper:
“We carried the game until now because it is very interesting from a pedagogical perspective … but as a cooperative, we see what is going on, and we must be sensitive to the social situations.”
Doyle: The stores say they removed the Rummikub games in order to replace them with a cheaper Chinese version of the game known as ‘Rummy’. Naturally, they deny that pro-Palestinian groups were part of the equation when deciding to change from an Israeli supplier to a Chinese one.
Hibbert: One should note that the Israeli version will still be sold by Abacus in the company’s catalogue and also be sold directly to schools which regularly use the product as part of lessons. What one should read into this, I don’t know.
Admin: In economical terms I can just about understand it but if this is indeed a move, as suggested by the Abacus manager’s words, then the moral and ethical abyss which Spain faces is gargantuan. China is one of the worst human rights violators on the planet.
Hibbert: You can say that again. Political freedoms in China are severely restricted and the treatment of religious minorities, including Christians, Muslims and Buddhists, is nothing short of diabolical. More people are executed in China each year than the rest of the world combined. Death is the punishment even for some white-collar crimes such as embezzlement and tax fraud. Then there’s the treatment of rural workers, ethnic minorities and forced abortions and sterilizations.
Dijkstra: Like swapping products made in Britain for products made in Iran?
Admin: Yes.
News story: Spanish stores boycott Israeli game.
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Doyle: Forced marriages in Britain are becoming an ever increasing problem. As one might expect, the victims overwhelmingly come from Asian families, notably Pakistanis, Indians and Bangladeshi. Current estimates put the number of forced marriage incidents involving British nationals at 10,000 per year.
Admin: Indeed. The interesting fact in all this is the rise in the number of men seeking help at specialist units set up for just such problems. Approximately 65% more calls were made to the FMU (Forced Marriage Unit) this year than the previous. The young men are often forced into marriage because their family suspect or know that they are homosexual.
Doyle: That means the family’s honour is at stake which is an extremely important aspect of many South Asian societies. So much so, that many would prefer their children to be killed than reveal a secret that we in the West would barely bat an eyelid to.
Dijkstra: I guess this is a big issue and rallying point amongst British lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people?
Admin: No.
Read more: Specialist unit reports more male forced marriages. (BBC)
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Every once in a while, an opinion piece in a broadsheet newspaper causes my jaw to drop and my eyes to take on the appearance of saucers. Richard Spencer’s telegraph blog entry did that just now. His criticism about Douglas Murray’s previous blog entry regarding Diane Abbott, Yasmin Alibhai-Brown and their obtuse stupidity, was adorned with the subtle card of racism. The fact that the two women in question happen to be from ethnic minorities causes Spencer to stumble over vague yet sinister ground regarding Murray’s motives.
It may be, of course, a coincidence that the candidates, Diane Abbott MP and Yasmin Alibhai-Brown, a newspaper columnist, are both from ethnic minorities.
The rather taciturn ‘may be’, a useful get out of jail card, in this case highlights the seemingly convinced mind, behind the wording, regarding the guilt of the accused. A little later into the paragraph, linked to above, another nail in the coffin is nailed with the semi-cliché ‘a coincidence too far’.
The final paragraph of Spencer’s article is the one that caused most surprise however where he refers to Ms Abbott’s recent scolding on the BBC’s This Week.
And finally, by the way, what if it were true – what if West Indian mums do love their children more than the average, as measured by race? Neither Murray or Neil consider that possibility, which is a much more interesting question.
I wonder if he would have even dared put down in writing a contemplation, however weakly, of whether white mothers love their children more than black mothers? I highly doubt it. Remember Rod Liddle anyone?
Yasmin Alibhai-Brown is of course the women who accuses all non-white right-wingers as “Uncle Toms” and says ‘indigenous Britons’ deep down, want to tear ethnic minorities to pieces. You can read more of her diatribes here. Ugandan-born Alibhai-Brown, by the way, was given welcome sanctuary in Britain just before the expulsion of Ugandan Asians by Idi Amin.
Diane Abbott is the woman who claimed “blonde, blue-eyed Finnish girls” might be unsuitable to work in London hospitals because “may never have met a black person before”. Then of course there’s her more recent “West Indian mums will go to the wall for their children” in which she included herself in that category. This from a woman who was born in Paddington, London.
Update: You can read Douglas Murray’s reply to Richard Spencer here.
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Thousands of hippies, druids and Liberal Democrats gathered at the prehistoric monument of Stonehenge this morning to welcome the sunrise on the Summer Solstice. The scene of 35,000 visitors last year, this year the iconic monument situated in the English county of Wiltshire saw just 20,000 people make the early morning visit. As the sun rose a few minutes before 5 o’clock, the crowds cheered with the sunrise clear to see, thankfully without the cloud cover that has often plagued previous solstices.
Event organisers including King Gordon Pendragon (formerly known as “that bastard in No.10″) and Butterfly Hazel admitted puzzlement as to why the numbers were much lower than the record-breaking 2009 gathering. Some have suggested the cooler than normal weather conditions as being a factor but sources close to King Gordon Pendragon admit the new influx of Liberal Democrats attending the event has soured the atmosphere for many previous attendees.
A former Stonehenge devotee, now in his late 70s, stated in a local Wiltshire newspaper the reason for his absence this year: “I ain’t a quiddle but it’s become all a nunny-fudge with them there Liberal Democrats comin’ with their zammy lot n’ spoilin’ what used to be a deedy n’ docy event”.
The entire Liberal Democrat party descended on Stonehenge this morning in order to, as their spokesman put it, “reconnect with Nature”. Chris Huhne was the only absentee, having already done his bit for Mother Nature with PR woman Carina Trimingham. Some reports also suggest that little Sarah Teather could have been offered as a sacrifice although English Heritage, the custodian of the Stonehenge site, are currently unaware of any such incidents.
A number of arrests were made overnight in relation to minor disorder and alcohol related offences and one person taken to hospital with a stray vuvuzela horn stuck up a bodily orifice. Organisers deemed the event a success albeit with a lower turn out. David Laws is expected to make a full recovery.
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An unknown South African bird was given the man-of-the-match award after the dire goalless draw between England and Algeria in the group stages of the football World Cup. In what has been deemed as England’s worst performance since the Aztecs kicked their ullis, the criticism from press and fans alike has been monumental. Their spluttering performance at the Green Point Stadium in Cape Town showed a squad lacking in belief and energy.
The omens for England looked bad when just ten minutes after the kick-off, a South African bird landed on the Algerian goal netting and began to admire the action. As Rooney and Heskey tried to find ways past the mundane Algerian defence, the bird did not appear to look unduly worried about the possibility of having to vacate its new home. The most humiliating moment came at half-time, when realising the sides would swap ends, the bird upped and flew across to the opposite goal netting.
Both teams were dire and after the match, it was deemed that the man-of-the-match be the anonymous bird that had provided so much entertainment to South African and Algerian fans in the stadium. Unfortunately, the bird was not able to pick up its reward after going missing. FIFA are apparently launching an enquiry against the England Football Association regarding the missing bird, with Rooney seen spitting feathers after walking off the pitch in disgust.
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In keeping with multicultural sensitivities, closed-circuit television cameras in the English city of Birmingham will be required to wear the Islamic burka. This comes after Muslim communities in the city complained that the surveillance cameras were both intrusive and alluring. Originally put up for counter-terrorism purposes, the CCTV fixtures have become a major concern to Muslims who insist they are being stigmatised because of their religion.
When interviewed about the cameras last year, local Muslim Councillor Salma Yaboob shrieked: “Residents have lost faith with the Zionist authorities for their sneaky handling of the matter! The Ummah will not be reassured until they have been told the locations of the hidden cameras too”.
A local Imam had a further problem with the surveillance cameras. Choosing to remain anonymous, the Islamic leader said through an interpreter: “These cameras … they should be covered up. Or moved. Our young are taken advantage of. My son and his son and his son after him, they are all menaced by these uncovered cameras! They provoke … they are provocative … they move their heads around when people walk by. They titillate … yes … they flirt and titillate with my son and his son and his son after him … they must be covered!”
Local council leaders and police have profusely apologised for the naked cameras found in Muslim areas of Birmingham. They have also written to local mosques explaining their ‘stupidity’ and asking that the discount they enjoyed on their jizya tax be scrapped in penance. The surveillance camera burkas are expected to be applied within the coming days.
Some critics of the plans have stated that the burka will reduce the level of visibility that camera operators will have. With just a narrow slit across the camera lens, it has been suggested that up to 95% of the resulting image will be black. However, civil rights groups have scolded such criticisms.
Connie Fergus who is head of the ‘Liberty for Tyranny’ think-tank remarked on her twitter account: “How dare these Islamaphobic bigots impede on these people’s culture!” … “Have they not heard of the phrase, when in Brum, do as the Brummies do?”.
A Home Office spokeswoman under pressure from other Muslim communities across Britain said: ‘Work is already underway on CCTV regulation and the government will be bringing forward proposals to place burkas on all cameras where our hard working minorities might find offence. Naturally, Islam is a religion of peace and we condemn all hatred and intolerance against this peaceful and progressive section of our society”.
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Concerns are spreading through media and political circles over the state of US President Barack Obama’s mental health. A number of factors are leading some psychiatric experts to offer possible reasons behind the strange behaviour shown by the American head of state in recent weeks. Barack Obama became president on January 20, 2009 and according to opinion polls has already become one of the most unpopular presidents in the history of the United States.
The most startling piece of evidence that has been leaked by the American Psycho Association, an organization believed to be closely monitoring the president, is the many months Mr Obama has been spending in his private swimming pool beneath the White House. Sources suggest the president has been trying to perfect the technique of walking on water but has so far found little success. Doctors are concerned that the disappointment of this failure is sending Mr Obama further into a state of psychosis.
Another situation that has experts worried is the president’s apparent lack of concern over the Deepwater Horizon oil spill which occurred recently in the Gulf of Mexico on April 20, 2010. As environmentalists, scientists, concerned citizens and BP try to find ways to stem the flow, Barack Obama has instead been playing rounds of golf and attending concerts by ageing rockers. When he did manage to visit the coast most affected by the oil spill, he spent most of the time waving to the crowds and asking whether the tar balls washing up on the beaches could be used in the creation of new basketballs.
One mental health expert suggested in a local Florida newspaper that the president might be suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD. The expert stated there were five main symptoms of NPD and that Mr Obama showed symptoms of each one.
“The president is obviously suffering from the 5 symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and these include being 1) a charlatan, 2) an exhibitionist, 3) imbued with avoidance features, 4) elitist and 5) paranoid.” wrote the expert.
He continued: “We can see all five symptoms manifesting themselves in Obama, such as the deception over his Islamic religion, his penchant for flexing his muscles to pretty ladies, his disdain of Massachusetts cops and his avoidance of the British Prime Minister which also leads into paranoia. Political contacts have suggested that Mr Obama is seeking a new defence strategy to be employed in case the British try to invade the United States after what he sees as an opening salvo from BP. This is utter lunacy of course, especially after seeing England’s leaking flotilla in the soccer match last week”.
President Barack Obama is sure to be aware of the growing concern over his mental health. It’s uncertain whether his private doctors will be able to relieve some of the symptoms long enough for America’s first black president to see out the the rest of his presidential term. Some insiders are believed to be asking Hollywood actor Jamie Foxx to act as an impersonation of Mr Obama should his mental state hit rock bottom.
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Police in South Africa where the 2010 football World Cup is currently being staged are on the look out for a mysterious biker with a giant vuvuzela. Many television broadcasters have received complaints about a loud droning background noise during coverage of football matches which was becoming unbearable to listen to. The BBC alone had received 545 complaints by Day Five of the tournament whilst fans, pundits and players worldwide had sounded their disapproval of what they described as a ‘swarm of bees’.
World Cup organisers and local police have placed wanted posters of what they believe is the origin of the constant buzzing sound. A nameless biker has been riding from city to city across South Africa and circling the stadiums whilst the important group stages matches are playing out. Despite critics noting that the buzz is created by thousands of vuvuzelas, the local authorities are instead blaming the noise on a single individual. The suspect was captured on camera a couple of days ago whilst speeding away from the Polokwane Stadium in Limpopo province.
The suspect is described as white, portly and riding a dirty black motorcycle. His nationality is unknown. Whilst the ‘vuvuzela bandit’ as the media have labelled him continues to remain a mystery, some in South Africa are offering possible identities to who the obnoxious noise maker might be. A journalist for the little known Zuma Times has speculated that the biker is a Mr James Corden, a B-list celebrity in England who after a spat with Star Trek actor Sir Patrick Stewart, lost his mind and went berserk across the Rainbow Nation.
Some experts in Britain believe however that the mystery biker is in fact a ploy to reflect attention away from the thousands of cheap plastic vuvuzelas being sold in South African cities. Television footage also shows fans from all nations blowing on the horns inside the stadiums which leaves little doubt in many people’s minds that they are the real culprit. The search continues.
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Complaints are growing in media and supporter’s circles regarding the loud horns being played by fans at the South African World Cup football matches. Known as ‘vuvuzelas’, the blowing horns have been regular features during football matches in South Africa, where the rather obnoxious noise produced is designed to intimidate or “kill off” the opponents. There is even talk of the metre long horns being banned soon for the rest of the tournament.
Thousands of football fans worldwide have complained about the drone of the vuvuzelas, which have been described as like a swarm of bees or a pregnant water buffalo in labour. Some angry football fans have claimed the endless noise is worse than their wives’ nagging and want to hear the offensive sound silenced as well as the vuvuzelas.
One complaint read “What an absolutely disgraceful, ear-wrenching noise,” whilst another said “Gordon Brown’s Scottish drawl wasn’t half as bad as this racket”.
A website called Ban Vuvusela has even been set up where football fans and desperate housewives can vote on whether they want to see the horns banned from future matches. At the time of writing, the ‘Votes to Ban’ enormously outnumber those of the ‘Votes to Keep’. It’s not hard to assume that latter votes come from proud South Africans and the deaf.
However, FIFA president Sepp Blatter has called on the vuvuzelas to continue and accused those with bleeding ears of discrimination against Africans. World Cup organisers have also joined the chorus of those in favour of keeping the horns, claiming the plastic instruments as being a “potent symbol of the tournament” and a good way to drown out the sound of rape alarms beeping across the cities.
It remains to be seen whether the vuvuzelas will be banned from football stadiums, like they are from South African rugby stadiums. With more and more people switching off due to the racket, it’s certain that unless action is taken, there will be a large increase of anusimpedimentia cases referred to local hospitals.
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Britain revealed recently a pledge to give £19 million in aid to Gaza. The announcement came a few hours after the flotilla incident in which Israeli commandos stormed a Turkish aid boat transporting baseball bats, knives, out-of-date medicines and suicidal humanitarian aid workers to the tiny Gaza Strip. Andrew Mitchell, the British International Development Secretary, also called on Israel to lift the blockade it has in place to stop weapons entering the region.
Ismail Hernia, a leading Hamas official has declared to the media that the £19 million will be invested in bringing Japanese Sumo wrestling coaches to the Gaza Strip. Puzzled journalists were told that ten of the top Sumo experts from Japan will be invited over as well as the purchasing of thousands of Sumo loincloths which will be converted to bomb belts.
Middle East and Hamas experts are predicting a new intifada in the coming months, probably in parallel with an Israeli strike on Iran’s nuclear plants. The investment in Sumo coaching is believed to be a new offensive element in the Palestinian’s plans to wipe out the state of Israel. Thousands of Gazan men will be fattened up with the excess food delivered weekly to the Strip and trained in the art of wrestling their opponents to the ground. The martyrs would aim to sit on and suffocate as many of the enemy as possible before blowing themselves up.
The brains behind the latest Hamas initiative is Sheik Yunus al-Wacky who came up with the idea when watching Hamas senior members dining at the exclusive Gaza City hotel. Britain has yet to respond to the decision but it’s expected they will offer cautionary advice to both sides to avoid violence, confrontation and anything which could put a heavy burden on the Middle East peace process.
Israel has refused to comment on the possibility of hundreds of half-naked and obese Arabs running over the border. They are however making contingency plans to strengthen bomb shelters and buildings for fear the act of shiko (the traditional sumo leg stomping) could weaken walls and foundations.
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